i've "enrolled" in a blog-based writing seminar from Travlin Oma. it's inspiring and, today, challenging.
Assignment: Search through the drawer in your heart. Are there memories that shaped your self image? Write about a time when your feelings were hurt. Why do you think you still remember the incident? How does that help you understand yourself better?
This could get ugly. Hurt feelings. High School. The best of times, the worst of times and everything in between. Drama. Folly. I was a conscientious student, mediocre in most regards, had friends in many circles. My best friend, though, was Marie*. We'd known each other since grade school. We had the same classes, shared a locker, went out on weekends together, crushed on boys together. I'd have done anything for her and valued our friendship above all others. I was loyal, if not gorgeous and clever and hip.
The summer before my senior year, I met a boy. He attended another school. He was new. And very cute. We went on a few dates and seemed to like eachother. On the verge of being smitten, I gushed about him to Marie. Probably something like "Todd is soooo cute! He's really nice! He's funny! We both like Erasure!" Ahh, the stuff of meaningful relationships.
It was the eve of the homecoming football game. I hadn't been asked to our dance. Marie was nominated for homecoming queen. I was happy for her--delivered celebratory notes to her in class, swooned over her pepto-bismol pink, lace covered satin dress even though I didn't like it. (It was awful, actually). I knew it would never have been me on the ballot; I hoped she would enjoy the moment. A friend called--the one who introduced me to Todd. She'd just seen him that afternoon and he told her he was going to ask me to the homecoming dance at his own high school. Really? I might just sprout wings and fly! I'd never been asked before. Never had the dress or the rhinestones or the wrist shrubbery. Apparently his plan was to join me at the football game and ask me afterward. Oh the giddiness!
He arrived at the game with his friends and sat behind me. Halftime. Announcement of the homecoming queen...Marie! As i stood to cheer for her, I heard the conversation between the boys. I froze. Did my best to pretend I hadn't heard. There were high fives and congratulations to him for taking our homecoming queen to his own homecoming dance. I choked out a goodbye and hurried out of the stands, eyes stinging. He would ask her. She would say yes. I knew before it even happened. Deflated, I left the game with my dad, crying all the way home, knowing that he felt utterly useless. I do remember his words: "You are better of with out her as a friend, she never seemed like a good friend to you in my opinion." He was trying to tell me that I had value. That I mattered, even if someone else didn't think I was cute or cool or homecoming-worthy. I know that now, though at the time the ordeal sealed the fate of doom over my self esteem.
I ran to my room for a good cry. My mother offered me ice cream. Ice cream? Honestly? I was hurt. Betrayed. Humiliated. Crushed. And Marie, well, she offered no excuse, no apology, no remorse. She didn't speak to me the remainder of the year. No graduation party together. No packing up for college together. No more sharing a dorm. No more BFF. No more Todd, either, that was for sure. Who needs fickle fellows?
Ultimately, I moved on, built a bridge, got over it. I was better off. I learned what real friends, true friends, are about and filled my life with them. I didn't need to let cancerous friendships weaken me. I didn't want to peak in high school, or let it be the culminating experience of my life story. I wouldn't let a teensy sliver of broken heartedness break me for good. I didn't have to be unkind in return. I could simply square my shoulders, take the high road, and be the good friend. I hope I've succeeded.
5 comments:
what a neat concept. this was fun to read, yet painful. I was that girl. I stole one of my best friends crushes whom she had crushed on for 2 years just b/c I knew I could. didn't really like him, but I was bored and without a boyfriend (for all of 2 minutes). lasted only a few months. luckily, my girlfriend got over it and we have remained close friends to this day.
I look back and cringe at the girl was used to be (think Romi and Michelle's High School Reunion). when my parents still lived in PC I always feared I would run into someone from high school (which happened often b/c they were all still living there being professional ski bums). didn't even go to my 10 year reuion b/c I didn't want to see those who I had stepped on and treated like crap just to be at the top. it wasn't worth it. but at the time it was the world and I was the only one who mattered. I hope I can teach kate to be a strong young woman, respect herself, value her girl friends and don't let boys define who she is.
truly, the best of times and the worst of times.
I had a Marie friend, too. I still think of her as my nemesis—after 43 years. She probably doesn't even remember me!
well, I give your blog an A+. I should join the party and start writing, too, but I am afraid to start something that will inevitably set me up for failure. I also award you an A+ for bravery and the courage to do something new. ROck on, sister friend!
You've never told me that story. I am so sorry, K. It seems like a lot of girls did mindless things just for a guy in high school.
What a cool thing to have this opportunity to write and soul search.
oh don't be sorry! it was high school. if nothing else I learned that high school just doesn't really matter that much in the end. My husband is better looking, my kids are cuter, and I never had to live with my parents after I was married, not that l'm the least bit spiteful ;)
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