It's been a bumpy ride these last 3 weeks. Nanuk is a sweet, snuggly mild baby. We are thrilled beyond words to have him with us, just as we were with M, our piglet. Thus far, M has been very sweet with his baby brother, giving him tender little kisses, caressing his soft head, whispering cute big brother things like "It's OK, Nanuk" and "I'll protect you baby brother." He likes to bring blankies and chupas (binkies) and help with diaper changes.
M has not, however, been so charming with his parents. When I first came home from the hospital, he wanted nothing much to do with me for about 3 days; I was blacklisted. He got over it. But he moved on to repeated, frequent, monumental, catastrophic meltdowns. Mind boggling, migraine-inducing, nerve racking, exhausting, heartbreaking meltdowns. Constantly waking Nanuk.
Discipline of any kind has failed to sink into his spirited, willful, stubborn little brain. And I'm abouttolosemymind. I miss my happy little guy with the sense of humor and good nature and snuggles and big laughs. Oh how I miss him. Will he come back? Is the damage permanent?
He can't articulate exactly how he feels but clearly he's sensing a disparity in attention--despite my best efforts each day to devote time to only him. A wise friend shared this nugget of child psychology with me: introducing a sibling to the first child is akin to one's spouse bringing an additional spouse into the family. Naturally, that would twist anyone's life all topsy turvy. Is there a magical antidote to his frustration? My heart breaks for him as I fail to make him feel loved enough. My confidence as a parent is waning. My nerves are shot. Nanuk's environment is not the serene, inviting place I worked to create. We are all exhausted. No idea what to do next.
6 comments:
Been there, done that, got the award. M's age is all about asserting power and realizing that mom really can't control him. A difficult time to be certain but necessary to becoming...a boy, a man. You're not failing! It's all in the plan. oh - distraction was key for me.
Honestly, it takes time, a lot of time. And, any extra time you can possibly pass off nanuk to another capable human and spend time with M alone is totally worth it. The baby won't remember, but M will. Give him special privileges of alone time and he'll come around. I feel for you, it's not a pretty time.
The damage is not permanent. That sweet, loving little boy will be back. Then he'll turn into a teenager and be gone again, but then he'll be back again. =)
Words of wisdom? I don't know. When my son was two we brought home Sariah. Suddenly, my son flipped out if anyone opened or closed the refrigerator door instead of letting him do it. It was crazy!! It lasted for weeks. Then, one day we woke up and everything was fine. Everybody was happy and I could open the refrigerator door without calling for him. And today.....my son (who is now 23) and Sariah (who is now 20) have the greatest relationship and I get random text messages from him that simply say, "I love you, Mommy".
Little M just needs Mommy to give him hugs and let him work through the chaos. He knows you're there, and he knows he's loved. You're doing better than you think. It'll be OK!!
Hang in there...it WILL get better. Love on him as much as you can. It was so hard for me with A and S, for the first time I was feeling anger towards A because of his behaviour, and felt sooo guilty and confused. Sending M out with Daddy on special "big boy" errands might be good as well...for both of you. :) Don't forget to take care of yourself. Fill your cup however you can.
wish I had encouraging words of advice, but since I have yet to encounter this situation, I am lacking. I bet you are doing an amazing job and it will turn in time. I'll be coming to you in a few months for advice. good luck.
don't give up.. i am sure all big siblings go through this phase. keep up the good work. you are inspiring me! heal up and do what you can to survive! soon it'll be picnic season.
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