[sigh]. It seems I've once again been stricken with this disease. Ugh. And despite all my best efforts, too. To make a long story short it boils down to the memories of 2 different people regarding the same thing from long ago, and a third person misinterpreting an electronic comment about those memories. So hard to infer tone of voice and facial expressions via email and blog comments, you know. The blog-o-rific internet and blessed google connected me with many new and wonderful people, and also reconnected me with some dear folks from back in the day. Which has me thinking more about "back in the day" than I have in a while. Old friends, former friends, past drama, past emotions, past pain, past joy. History. Ugh. High School history--not the studied kind, but the lived kind. Ugh. Seems it's on the mind of more than just me, these days. (Brit: if I can find a photo of that prom dress, I might be courageous enough to post it here). Strange how 2 friends can remember the same things so very differently. Strange how some friends just haven't changed a bit since back in the day.
04 April 2008
A Bit of History Repeating
I've changed. Rather I've overcome some weaknesses. My mother might say I've "blossomed" but I really hate that term. I'm still the same person, only improved upon. People once considered me "shy" but essentially I just had a basement-dwelling self esteem and a difficult mother. It was frustrating and suffocating. Deep down I knew the good things about me, I just didn't know how to be that person. Always afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing, which often happened. From the time I was in kindergarten, I just planned on being everyone's friend. Would rather die than hurt someone. I never understood why people would choose to be, well, mean. To anyone. I worried too much about what others thought of me. High school was just so silly. I haven't thought much about it in a long time---I moved away and moved on, instantly and easily. Post-high school I found my strength, realized that what happens there really only matters while you're there, and barely even then! I learned what true friends are all about, became happy with myself. Learned to speak up. Which has now bitten me in the tush, again. But I still like myself. Most of the time. Though I still manage to say things the wrong way.
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6 comments:
KJ - You have to know you have always been one of the truest and kindest people I know. I'm glad I had the opportunity to rub shoulders with you in HS, and I'm glad we reconnected. It's so great to see you unencumbered by the stress and worry of caring what other people think about you. Those of us who knew you back then always knew you were great! :)
Oh, this is almost painful to read. Like a personal journal entry of my own. I too have had this happen {recently} online, and it's bothered me for about 3 months. I need to just get over it already. I'm a confident, kind, fun person and I shouldn't let stuff like that bother me. {Ditto for you, on both counts}.
Ahh, again we are the same person.
I have to tell you the exact same thing happened to me this weekend. It involved a political post of course which is something I've come to be used to only this time it involved hurt feelings of a close relative. After many tears shed and words spoken I still don't feel like we've really made up. I was exactly like you when I was younger. Shy and sensitive always worrying what others thought. maybe now it's just all coming out that, "Hey I have something to say to!" I hate offending people and that's what makes the blog world so difficult. Saying how you feel is great but there is bound to be someone who gets upset about it. I don't know what to tell you except I understand and just keep being you! Never apologize for it.
I should have read farther into your blog before I posted that comment...that's why I deleted it. ;) Something about prom dresses and the color pink may have come to mind...thinking of high school and all the drama.
I remember a pepto-bismol pink dress, but it certainly wasn't mine!
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